Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk
April 30, 2011 Leave a comment
I bought my son a joke book the other day. Here are just a few of the jokes:
Bert: I bought a lousy AM radio.
Gert : AM? Why didn’t you buy one you play at night, too?
Jeff: Last night I came home to a family that gave lots of love and sympathy.
Steph: That must have been nice.
Jeff: It was, except it was the wrong house.
Mutt: Why are you cutting the block of ice into small chunks?
Jeff: So it will fit into the ice cube trays.
What do elephants take when the have insommia?
Trunk-ulizers.
What disease do cows get?
Moo-laria.
What do you get when you cross death and a pager?
The Grim Beeper.
What position did the mouse serve in Congress?
Squeaker of the House.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a red light?
A stop swine.
What is a woodpecker’s favorite joke?
A Knock-knock.
What goes “baaa-baaa-ka-boom”?
A lamb mine.
What do computerized bears do in the winter?
They cybernate.
Art teacher: Did you like the sculpture made out of magnets?
Art clown: No, actually I was repelled.
What do you call it when two seeded bagels fall in love?
Poppy love.
Why did the waiter get excited when he served asparagus?
Because asparagus tips.
Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Pudding.
Pudding who?
Pudding your pants on before your underwear is a bad idea.
What superhero loves French pancakes?
The Crepe Crusader.
“Doctor, doctor, I was at the store and a box of frozen fish fell on my head.
“I bet you had a splitting Haddock.”
How do Arabian princes dance?
Sheik to sheik.
What do you call a whales’ favorite magazine?
Spouts Illustrated.
What did Pinocchio say to the barber?
“Just a whittle off the top.”
Dill: I hooked my microwave to my computer.
Will: Why did you do that?
Dill: Now I can get my homework done in half the time.
Sign at the microbiology lab: “Staph only.”
Chic: What don’t you like about your job at the Goose Feather Company?
Mick: There’s nowhere to go but down.
Bumper sticker: “Clones are people, two.”
Jokes: Greatest Jokes On Earth by Matt Rissinger & Philip Yates
Cindy Wity 