H/T to MAD Magazine

Sign of the Times:

At my workplace two days ago employees were sent an e-mail saying that the vending machine company was raising their prices. Yesterday, I saw a man put a dollar into a vending machine and nothing came out. Today, there is a sign on the vending machine that says, “Sorry, Temporarily Out of Order.” At least we know the price!

Is government healthy for you?

A recent report out of Poughkeepsie, NY finds that there is a direct correlation between Big Oversized Government and Coronary Artery Disease. Also in the report, there is a significant increase in governmental psychosis. More elected officials and government employees are losing touch with reality. To counter these problems the report said that more and more citizens are now relying on Depends to make it through the day.

On a happier note, the makers of Pepto Bismol are reporting increased sales.

This just in…
Increased numbers of corporate jet owners are being grounded by President Obama’s social policies.
Apparently, this policy is causing pilots, mechanics, traffic controllers, flight attendants, airport support personnel and employees of aircraft manufacturers to lose their jobs, further increasing the jobless numbers. Nancy Pelosi was heard to comment that “these job loses were just unfortunate collateral damage in the war for social justice.”

Bounce Back Recovery

Walking the streets of Chicago today I came upon an *African-American woman walking in the opposite direction.  As she approached me, I could see that this large woman was wearing an extra large white T-shirt with the words “Barack Obama” on the front.  Midway down between “Barack” and “Obama” was a black and white picture of Obama grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Barack” bounced and heaved due to the fact that behind “Barack” were two enormous breasts which desperately needed supporting. As the woman came closer I had a moment of great insight: …”Barack”…”Obama”…two large breasts…needing support… big government… needing support!

 When I returned to my office I immediately wrote a check out to Barack Obama. I wrote and told him that I wanted him to buy the largest support bra that he could find for this nation – something that would support the giant teats of the great society!

(*”African-American” is a Jesse Jackson approved modifier.)

(No breasts were harmed in the process of writing this.)

 (This article is rated “8” on the PC Tiz Magnitude Scale.)

http://directorblue.blogspot.com/2011/07/journolist-lives-democrat-media.html

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