High On the Hog

High On the Hogbacon

Friday:  I’m sitting at my desk minding my own business.  The person who does the electronic file work for all of our projects stops by to talk to the guy in the next cube.  The boisterous blather begins.

 Ms. CEM (College Educated Moron) is from Michigan. She starts talking about Detroit being absorbed into the black hole of oblivion (self-destruction really).  Then somehow the subject is changed onto public schools: “I don’t like charter schools.”  The guy in the next cube can barely get a word in: “I like charter schools…” Ms. CEM takes a deep breath and throws her head back:  “Well, I like public schools. I’m an advocate for good education.  Good schools make good adults.  I don’t have kids and I don’t want kids. It takes a village to raise a child.”

 Ms. CEM is thirty years old, a Michigan State grad in Art history and easily twice my size. She sits directly on the other side of my cube where she spends her time talking about food and specifically, BACON.  All day long.  She eats cup cakes with bacon-infused frosting and bacon innards!  She talks up food… all… day… long. And when she is not talking about food and gourmet restaurants and craft beers she is sighing heavily as if the weight of the village is being put on her again and again. This must be.  She voted for the Obama village twice.  I am as sure of this as I am that she will have some sort of bacon varietal for lunch.  Lard Almighty!

 I could see where Ms. CEM having kids would detract from a life of complete and utter self-indulgence.  And why not self-indulge? Obama offered the Promised Baconland.  (But Bottom-of-the-Barrel Detroit is what she’ll get.)

 Besides, kids are a distraction. Better to ship them off like hogs and have them processed… into… bacon for those who union villagers who live off the fat of the land.

 I didn’t jump in and tell her that had we home schooled two of our kids and that charter schools are the best hope for kids in one of the worst school systems in the US,  the Chicago Public Schools. I also didn’t mention that Chicago will self-destruct like Detroit and that the village had run out of bacon. I’ll keep those pearls to myself.

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