Friday Night Beer Summit

I’ve decided that a Friday night beer summit must be held in order to reconcile the great divides developing in our Great Society. I will invite the following people:

The Un-Right Reverends:
Jesse Jackson
Al Sharpton
Jeremiah Wright

The Absent-Minded Professor:
Henry Louis Gates Jr.

The Oedipal Mocker:
Bill Maher

The Uber Radical:
William Ayers

The Potty-Mouth:
Rahm Emmanuel

The Divine Ms. O:
Oprah Winfrey

The Appeaser:
Colin Powell

The Plumber:
Joe

The Voice in the Wilderness
Glenn Beck

The North Star:
Sarah Palin

The Pulitzer Prize Winner:
Charles Krauthammer

The Iron Lady, Part 2
Ann Coulter

The Economist:
Dr. Walter E. Williams

The Juris Doctor:
Mrs. Virginia Lamp Thomas

Don’t worry. I will be there to moderate. (I won’t be wearing a tie, though. My sleeves will be rolled up.) Miller High Life beer and soft pretzels will be served. (Hard pretzels may end up hurting someone in the event of a melee.)

The Venue: We will meet in the front yard of my apartment building. (I live in a building that houses Hispanics, Blacks, Asians, an Englishman and a welfare conditioned alcoholic.)
There will be name tags.

The summit will begin with an icebreaker: everyone will tell their names, their backgrounds and say one thing about them that we don’t know. They will also tell us their favorite flavor of ice cream.

After intros, we will play Uno at four card tables (no race cards will be allowed!) Once a winner is decided at each table I will re-divide the group into new foursomes for Twister. After playing Twister, a rousing game of charades will be played based on Charles Dicken’s characters. The winning team members will each receive a signed copy of the US Constitution.

As the evening winds down, the guests will be treated to a reading of Franz Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” while Yanni plays in the background.

Let the Friday Night Smack Down begin

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