The Ebony Calf
November 22, 2010 Leave a comment
How Much Will It Cost Me?
November 5, 2010 1 Comment
How many democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? Twenty-three.
10 union workers
1 union steward w/union contract
1 MSNBC reporter ( Keith Olbermann could become available.)
1 clown (for distraction. If no clown available, use MSNBC newscaster.)
1 pickpocket
1 light bulb czar
1 Chicago politician
1 Jesse Jackson
1 ACLU attorney
1 Black Panther w/billy club
1 OSHA representative
1 EPA consultant
1 Pelosi (for automatic screwing)
1 Obama (to help us understand the issue)
It takes twenty-three democrats to put the light bulb in place and one hundred taxpayers (now waiting in the dark) to fund it.
The Girl with the Wagon Tattoo
October 5, 2010 Leave a comment
There it was. A rumble-seat tattoo. A tattoo that spanned across the Sierra Madre of a large backside and just peeking out above a pair of “Baby Phat” jeans. When the girl leaned forward, the words, “Yes, We Can,” appeared.
Was she a mover & shaker in the Obama campaign? Was she a MSNBC media strategist? Or, was she a union worker with plenty of government backing? I’ll report. You decide.
All I do know is that the more she bent over, the more was revealed to me.
Friday Night Beer Summit
October 1, 2010 Leave a comment
I’ve decided that a Friday night beer summit must be held in order to reconcile the great divides developing in our Great Society. I will invite the following people:
The Un-Right Reverends:
Jesse Jackson
Al Sharpton
Jeremiah Wright
The Absent-Minded Professor:
Henry Louis Gates Jr.
The Oedipal Mocker:
Bill Maher
The Uber Radical:
William Ayers
The Potty-Mouth:
Rahm Emmanuel
The Divine Ms. O:
Oprah Winfrey
The Appeaser:
Colin Powell
The Plumber:
Joe
The Voice in the Wilderness
Glenn Beck
The North Star:
Sarah Palin
The Pulitzer Prize Winner:
Charles Krauthammer
The Iron Lady, Part 2
Ann Coulter
The Economist:
Dr. Walter E. Williams
The Juris Doctor:
Mrs. Virginia Lamp Thomas
Don’t worry. I will be there to moderate. (I won’t be wearing a tie, though. My sleeves will be rolled up.) Miller High Life beer and soft pretzels will be served. (Hard pretzels may end up hurting someone in the event of a melee.)
The Venue: We will meet in the front yard of my apartment building. (I live in a building that houses Hispanics, Blacks, Asians, an Englishman and a welfare conditioned alcoholic.)
There will be name tags.
The summit will begin with an icebreaker: everyone will tell their names, their backgrounds and say one thing about them that we don’t know. They will also tell us their favorite flavor of ice cream.
After intros, we will play Uno at four card tables (no race cards will be allowed!) Once a winner is decided at each table I will re-divide the group into new foursomes for Twister. After playing Twister, a rousing game of charades will be played based on Charles Dicken’s characters. The winning team members will each receive a signed copy of the US Constitution.
As the evening winds down, the guests will be treated to a reading of Franz Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” while Yanni plays in the background.
Let the Friday Night Smack Down begin
King Care
September 29, 2010 Leave a comment
(A One Act Play)
[King Care is in his throne room with the Duchess of House Pelosi, the Earl of Senate Reed and Courtier Rahm]
King Care:
“Duchess of House Pelosi, tell me how much you love me.”
Duchess of House Pelosi:
“King Care, your teleprompter words are golden.”
King Care:
“Earl of Senate Reed, tell me how much you love me”
Earl of Senate Reed:
“Your Majesty, future generations will be forever indebted to you.”
King Care (to himself):
“Taxpayer, taxpayer, wherefore art thou taxpayer?”
[Taxpayer Goneril, Taxpayer Regan and Taxpayer Cordelia enter]
King Care:
“Taxpayer Goneril, tell me how much you love me.”
Taxpayer Goneril:
“Thou dost complete me, Your Majesty.”
King Care:
“Taxpayer Regan, tell me how much you love me.”
Taxpayer Regan:
“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for your health coverage today.”
King Care:
“Taxpayer Cordelia, tell me how much you love me.”
Taxpayer Cordelia:
“I would rather not say my lord King.”
“To be covered or not to be covered that is a taxing question, my lord.”
King Care:
“And you Fool, what say you?”
Fool:
“If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I’d have thee beaten for being old before thy time”
King Care (to Himself):
“Now I see. I will divide my time between my loyal taxpayers Goneril and Regan. I will visit the backyard barbeque of Taxpayer Goneril for a while and then I will go the backyard barbeque of Taxpayer Regan. I will bring with me the Knights of MSNBC.
“Cordelia, O Taxpayer Cordelia. How can she not tell me of her love for me? I know. I’ll banish Cordelia to Europe. Maybe she will learn to love my socialist ways.
[To Cordelia]: “Be gone, Cordelia.”
Earl of Senate Reed:
“Your Majesty, the Duchess of House Pelosi and I must take our leave and return to our homes. The people at home are uprising.”
King Care:
“Take your leave. Godspeed Earl of Senate Reed and Duchess of House Pelosi. Quench the uprisings before any more damage is done to my kingdom.
King Care [To Himself]:
“Can I be going progressively mad? Where is my golf bag? Courtier Rahm, what time do we tee?”
Courtier Rahm:
“Your Majesty, tee time is any time you wish.”
[Courtier Rahm bows low]
“Your Majesty, if I may, I must take leave to return to my home town by the Lake of Michigan. The f—ing public needs my damm good presence.”
King Care [lighting up]:
“Well then take your leave Courtier Rahm. Remind the Taxpayers in that great town of my words to them: “Yes, we can…””
[To Himself]:
“…at any cost.”
Courtier Rahm:
[bowing]
“Yes, of course, Your Majesty. I’m f—ing otta here.”
[Courtier Rahm leaves]
King Care:
[To Taxpayer Goneril and Taxpayer Regan]
“Come along my adoring Taxpayers Goneril and Regan. We will talk about taxes when Earl of Senate Reed and Duchess of House Pelosi return from their campaigns. Let us eat and drink for tomorrow we may die.”
The End.
A Few Good Men
September 26, 2010 Leave a comment
Sunday, September 26, 2010: The Chicago Tribune column by John Kass
John Kass meets the Rev. Isaac Hayes for breakfast. Hayes is Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Opponent in the race for the U.S. house.
John Kass writes: “We sat down for breakfast late last week at the Billy Goat. And if Jackson wants to sit down with me for a tasty Spiros Special breakfast sandwich and talk-without lawyers and spinners-he’s welcome.
I asked Hayes: How difficult is it being an African America conservative in a district where the Jackson family machine is so dominant?
“It’s difficult if you’re not willing to speak up about what you believe,” Hayes said. “If you’re weak, you wouldn’t want to do it. It’s my opinion that black conservatives have to have strong character. The easy smear is when you’re called a traitor to your race. That happens a lot.
But look at what’s happened to the black community over the decades. Look at the family. Look at the lack of economic opportunity,” he said. “These problems are in part because of liberal Democrats policies. But people like me get smeared as race traitors for not being liberal Democrats? That’s ironic. But that’s not why the media is interested in me.”
John Kass: Reporters are now interested in Hayes because Jackson-a child of privilege who has always been about as deep as a teaspoon-has been weakened.” …
(The column goes on to say that Jackson is weakened on two fronts: the corruption front and the blond front.)
John Kass: “It started with social issues,” he (Hayes) said of his conversion to conservatism. “I’m pro-life, and I believe marriage should be between one man and one woman. But as you think in terms of family, and what weakens it, you start thinking in terms of economic and education policy.” Hayes argues for education vouchers to free children trapped in dysfunctional inner-city schools and tax cuts to stimulate jobs. Clearly, such talks threaten big government Democrats whose power depends on keeping low-income Africa Americans as dependent clients.
”You ask how I became conservative?” Hayes said, “You minister to a 14- year old boy in jail, and he’s telling you that he has to get out so he can take care of his child. We’ve got to fundamentally change what’s going on in the cities. And it starts when African-Americans stop giving away their votes.”
First Lady Swap
September 18, 2010 Leave a comment
From ABC.com: “Families are swapping wives right now for a whole new season of Wife Swap on ABC.”
Here is a wife swap I’d like to see: Michelle Obama with Sarah Palin!
Cindy Wity 
