O Holy Flight (From Christmas)

(A postmodern Christmas)

Christmas Eve:

Over the waiting and through the body scanner,

To grandmother’s house we go…

The TSA knows the way,

To handle …your package.

“Underwear bombers move to the end of the line, please!”

  ***

Yuletide carols being sung by a secular choir;

Female pop singers whining down another year,

Music streaming, reprogramming.

***

Broke, Flat-out busted, Best Buy-ed,

Macy, Macyier, Macyest,

Amassed among the Amazon-ed.

***

Fizz the season, too, by golly:

“Plop, Plop. Fizz. Fizz.

O, what a relief it is!”

 ***

Sprigs of Hollywood and Vine dance while

Visions of HD sugar plums fairies

Tug remotely at

Lazy Boys

Churning.

***

Egg nog, glug and figgy pudding?

G-G-Ghosts of Christmas gastronomy.

***

Superstore angels bring good tidings of great joy:

Black Friday is the new White Christmas!

***

Down the chimney,

“Ho, Ho, Ho,”

Global Warming comes,

Inconveniently,

Melting away minutes of our snow covered evening.

Bah, Humbug you opportunistic

Scrooge of a scourge.

“I’ll cap and trade your ass!”

***  

Up on the housetop reindeer pause…

Carbon footprints in the snow! Oh, no!

Update:  Reindeer games beginning 10:00 EST.

***

Santa, “APPROVED”,

Baby Jesus, ACLU’d.

Nativity Receptivity?

It takes a village to raze a Christ Child.

*****
Marquee lights announce the second coming of Black Friday.

Electrified houses boast of more watts per square inch.

Tree lights twinkle when tickled by boughs

Glowing snowmen bobbing, bobbing slow men glowing

White blinking lights, sentinels flanking our windows,

Warn us of Christmas!

****

© Sally Paradise, 2010, All Rights Reserved

Obama’s First Christmas Album

If you are looking to recreate the slobbering sentiments of 2008 here’s a Christmas album just for you!

 You’ll enjoy this timeless hit:  Obama, All ye fateful

Plus…

I’ll be Oprah for Christmas

I Saw Barney Frank Kissing Santa Claus

The Twelve Days of Van Jones

Frosty, the Telepromper

Oh, Little Town of Barack-ahem

The First “Oh, Well”

Grandma Got Run Over by Obamacare

…and many many more…

Here’s a sample track:

 

Obama, All ye Fateful

 

Obama, All ye Fateful

Progressive and most Special

Obama, Obama, ye from Kenya to DC.

Come and behold him,

Born the King of Presidents;

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama the More.

 

Highest, most Mostly,

Light of light infernal,

Born of a woman,

A mortal he comes?

Son of a Soros

Now in the press appearing!

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama the More.

 

O Sing, choirs of mainstream media

Sing in exultation,

Sing all ye illegal citizens crossing our border!

Glory to Obama

Especially if you remove ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell;

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama the More.

 

Yea, Obama we voted for thee,

One born to organize communities:

Obama, to thee all our money be given!

Word of his lips

Now gives our leg a chill;

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama, let us adore you,

Obama the More

 

 

The Ebony Calf

 

American Thinker: Obama’s Malignant Narcissism

American Thinker: Obama’s Malignant Narcissism.

How Much Will It Cost Me?

How many democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? Twenty-three.

10 union workers
1 union steward w/union contract
1 MSNBC reporter ( Keith Olbermann could become available.)
1 clown (for distraction. If no clown available, use MSNBC newscaster.)
1 pickpocket
1 light bulb czar
1 Chicago politician
1 Jesse Jackson
1 ACLU attorney
1 Black Panther w/billy club
1 OSHA representative
1 EPA consultant
1 Pelosi (for automatic screwing)
1 Obama (to help us understand the issue)

It takes twenty-three democrats to put the light bulb in place and one hundred taxpayers (now waiting in the dark) to fund it.

“Oh, the humanity!”

“Oh, the insanity!”

The Girl with the Wagon Tattoo

There it was. A rumble-seat tattoo. A tattoo that spanned across the Sierra Madre of a large backside and just peeking out above a pair of “Baby Phat” jeans. When the girl leaned forward, the words, “Yes, We Can,” appeared.

Was she a mover & shaker in the Obama campaign? Was she a MSNBC media strategist? Or, was she a union worker with plenty of government backing? I’ll report. You decide.

All I do know is that the more she bent over, the more was revealed to me.

Bye, Bye My American Pie

Our President BO spends much of his time golfing, bobbing in and out of church and backyards for photo ops and in dividing up the American Pie into finer slices. Instead of making a bigger Pie with business incentives, tax breaks and laissez-faire government, BO wants to make sure that our current pie is filled with plenty of our tax money and that the pie is sliced evenly. (Of course, he hands more slices to labor unions and to his own self-preserving interests.) In fact, BO defines his appeal (his bribery) to the American people with his ‘hands-on’ ‘pie-slicing’ type of administration.

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie,
He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum
And said “What a good boy am I!”

BO wants to serve us his version of my American Pie. But, I’m not buying it and I’m not eating it- not after his hands have been in it.

Friday Night Beer Summit

I’ve decided that a Friday night beer summit must be held in order to reconcile the great divides developing in our Great Society. I will invite the following people:

The Un-Right Reverends:
Jesse Jackson
Al Sharpton
Jeremiah Wright

The Absent-Minded Professor:
Henry Louis Gates Jr.

The Oedipal Mocker:
Bill Maher

The Uber Radical:
William Ayers

The Potty-Mouth:
Rahm Emmanuel

The Divine Ms. O:
Oprah Winfrey

The Appeaser:
Colin Powell

The Plumber:
Joe

The Voice in the Wilderness
Glenn Beck

The North Star:
Sarah Palin

The Pulitzer Prize Winner:
Charles Krauthammer

The Iron Lady, Part 2
Ann Coulter

The Economist:
Dr. Walter E. Williams

The Juris Doctor:
Mrs. Virginia Lamp Thomas

Don’t worry. I will be there to moderate. (I won’t be wearing a tie, though. My sleeves will be rolled up.) Miller High Life beer and soft pretzels will be served. (Hard pretzels may end up hurting someone in the event of a melee.)

The Venue: We will meet in the front yard of my apartment building. (I live in a building that houses Hispanics, Blacks, Asians, an Englishman and a welfare conditioned alcoholic.)
There will be name tags.

The summit will begin with an icebreaker: everyone will tell their names, their backgrounds and say one thing about them that we don’t know. They will also tell us their favorite flavor of ice cream.

After intros, we will play Uno at four card tables (no race cards will be allowed!) Once a winner is decided at each table I will re-divide the group into new foursomes for Twister. After playing Twister, a rousing game of charades will be played based on Charles Dicken’s characters. The winning team members will each receive a signed copy of the US Constitution.

As the evening winds down, the guests will be treated to a reading of Franz Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” while Yanni plays in the background.

Let the Friday Night Smack Down begin

King Care

(A One Act Play)

[King Care is in his throne room with the Duchess of House Pelosi, the Earl of Senate Reed and Courtier Rahm]

King Care:
“Duchess of House Pelosi, tell me how much you love me.”

Duchess of House Pelosi:
“King Care, your teleprompter words are golden.”

King Care:
“Earl of Senate Reed, tell me how much you love me”

Earl of Senate Reed:
“Your Majesty, future generations will be forever indebted to you.”

King Care (to himself):
“Taxpayer, taxpayer, wherefore art thou taxpayer?”

[Taxpayer Goneril, Taxpayer Regan and Taxpayer Cordelia enter]

King Care:
“Taxpayer Goneril, tell me how much you love me.”

Taxpayer Goneril:
“Thou dost complete me, Your Majesty.”

King Care:
“Taxpayer Regan, tell me how much you love me.”

Taxpayer Regan:
“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for your health coverage today.”

King Care:
“Taxpayer Cordelia, tell me how much you love me.”

Taxpayer Cordelia:
“I would rather not say my lord King.”
“To be covered or not to be covered that is a taxing question, my lord.”

King Care:
“And you Fool, what say you?”

Fool:
“If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I’d have thee beaten for being old before thy time”

King Care (to Himself):
“Now I see. I will divide my time between my loyal taxpayers Goneril and Regan. I will visit the backyard barbeque of Taxpayer Goneril for a while and then I will go the backyard barbeque of Taxpayer Regan. I will bring with me the Knights of MSNBC.
“Cordelia, O Taxpayer Cordelia. How can she not tell me of her love for me? I know. I’ll banish Cordelia to Europe. Maybe she will learn to love my socialist ways.
[To Cordelia]: “Be gone, Cordelia.”

Earl of Senate Reed:
“Your Majesty, the Duchess of House Pelosi and I must take our leave and return to our homes. The people at home are uprising.”

King Care:
“Take your leave. Godspeed Earl of Senate Reed and Duchess of House Pelosi. Quench the uprisings before any more damage is done to my kingdom.

King Care [To Himself]:
“Can I be going progressively mad? Where is my golf bag? Courtier Rahm, what time do we tee?”

Courtier Rahm:
“Your Majesty, tee time is any time you wish.”
[Courtier Rahm bows low]
“Your Majesty, if I may, I must take leave to return to my home town by the Lake of Michigan. The f—ing public needs my damm good presence.”

King Care [lighting up]:
“Well then take your leave Courtier Rahm. Remind the Taxpayers in that great town of my words to them: “Yes, we can…””
[To Himself]:
“…at any cost.”

Courtier Rahm:
[bowing]
“Yes, of course, Your Majesty. I’m f—ing otta here.”
[Courtier Rahm leaves]

King Care:
[To Taxpayer Goneril and Taxpayer Regan]
“Come along my adoring Taxpayers Goneril and Regan. We will talk about taxes when Earl of Senate Reed and Duchess of House Pelosi return from their campaigns. Let us eat and drink for tomorrow we may die.”

The End.